[Debate/Discussion] Is Sexuality a Choice?

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Bunny

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03:41am Sun, Nov 18, 2012
Do you feel that sexuality is something you're born with, nurtured into, or simply a choice? Why?


Personally I don't know for sure. I think all of those probably play a factor in it but at the end of the day I can't choose who I'm attracted to so why should anyone else be able to? For that reason I do not believe it's a choice.

Which only leaves me with the whole nature vs nurture debate. If I had to decide I would have to say it's mostly nature, because you could theoretically be raised to be attracted to a specific sex - however - that doesn't always work.

 

 

Adrian Malacoda

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There is no evidence to support the assertion that sexuality is a choice. As a straight person, I never chose to be straight, I just am. It's arrogant of me to assume that it's somehow different for people who aren't straight.

Even if it were a choice, I don't see how this changes things. It's usually used an an excuse for homophobia ("it's their fault because they chose to be gay", "you can't say this is a civil rights issue because you just want to make a bad choice") but even if this were a choice, why not let people choose what they want?

 

Triss

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I believe it depends. Philip Zimbardo stated in one of his books that it's possible to be born with a particular sexuality, nurtured into  or simply choose it. I agree with him. I've observed that many straight people who live among bisexuals or homosexuals are getting curious and sometimes start experimenting with their sexuality on their own.

 

SifuPhil

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... there's more than one kind?

 

QuirkyJessi

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SifuPhil (08:35am Sun, Nov 18, 2012)
... there's more than one kind?

Well-chosen smiley. :P

And I think it can be any, all, or a combination of the above. There's no set nature vs nurture where it can only be one answer for every person in the entire world.

 

Bunny

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I think being curious is just to explore your sexuality, not to choose it. If their sexuality changes after exploring maybe they were wrong before.

A lot of teens like to chop and change for the attention but that's completely different lol.

That said it is interesting to note a Baseball player apparently had a stroke which made him wake up gay lol. So I guess anything could change it.

 

SifuPhil

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In the 19th century waking up gay was a blessing - you were in a happy mood.

It DOES give a whole new meaning to the term "stroke" though, doesn't it?

 

Ryder13

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Adrian Malacoda (03:53am Sun, Nov 18, 2012)
There is no evidence to support the assertion that sexuality is a choice. As a straight person, I never chose to be straight, I just am. It's arrogant of me to assume that it's somehow different for people who aren't straight.

Even if it were a choice, I don't see how this changes things. It's usually used an an excuse for homophobia ("it's their fault because they chose to be gay", "you can't say this is a civil rights issue because you just want to make a bad choice") but even if this were a choice, why not let people choose what they want?

In this society, what male would choose to be gay or homosexual? The disapproval and in some cases actual hatred of some males for gay or homosexual males is still even these days overwhelming.
For the most part, jocks and the more macho males have a loathing for gay males.
I think the stigma and the hatred is not as strong for women of that orientation. IMHO.
Ryder13

 

Bunny

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It DEFINITELY is Ryder! It's just a little less publicised.

 

Ryder13

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Bunny (06:22pm Mon, Nov 19, 2012)
It DEFINITELY is Ryder! It's just a little less publicised.

Hi Again Bunny
Well I would seriously debate you on this one, but you can play the F card (female) and say "I know better than you, Male person." And I would have to give up the point.
Cheers Bunny, talk to you soon
Ryder13

 

Bunny

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No I want you to debate me. I'm not supreme or all powerful by any stretch and most of the time I play devils advocate anyway ha ha.

I think we're both right but it depends on the place you live in....in some areas girls are persecuted just as much as men, but you're right on male homosexuality hatred being much more widespread.


But when it comes to the school yard I watched many lesbians and gays get hurt and picked on for nothing. There's just as many offensive names for either unfortunately :(.

 

Ryder13

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Hi again Bunny
Well I think I need to add a qualifier on my previous comment. When I said that you 'could play the female card' and trump my comment re the level of acceptance re female and male homosexuality, I was meaning that as a female you would possibly know more about the acceptance level for lesbians than I as a male would.
This is a bit of a tricky topic in a lot of ways.
Cheers
Ryder13

 

DaleTroy

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Last time I checked, there aren't a ton of "advantages" to being gay vs being straight. It's hard to imagine why anybody would CHOOSE to have a more difficult life.

 

Bunny

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I guess that depends where you live and what the climate there is.

 

Christie

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I believe in the theory of it being genetic. Like other have said, I think choosing to explore your sexuality is a choice, as you might find that you actually don't "click" sexually and romantically with specific genders (again - a reason why I support the DNA theory) and that's the main way you can find out if you're not sure. Also, the exploration aspect of it is backed up by how often people will supress homosexual leanings by acting in a homophobic way - they clearly haven't chosen to be gay, but they have chosen not to act upon it.

Personally, I think sexuality is overrated and it should be a non-issue. There's too much hate based on something that, in my opinion, you can't control.

 

cinderr

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My unpopular belief is that the day you are born, your sexual orientation is in place. Nature, all the way! As some wise comment-er said , who would choose to be gay if there was a choice? Because in some parts of the world, it's tough going.
You can certainly have one sexual orientation and experiment with others---why not? But ultimately, it is what you are born with.

 

cinderr

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Bunny, so straight women hate gay women? Never have seen that.
Isn't it funny that we continue to debate this? Not funny-funny! Not funny at all, actually.

 

Doodle

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If sexuality was a choice, then a lot less homosexual people would commit suicides. If somebody was bullied for their sexual orientation (which is still a common thing in high schools) they would just switch sexualities to the easier one. Being heterosexual is easier - way more possible partners to choose from, no discrimination, being able to legalize your relationship pretty much everywhere, being able to go to heaven according to pretty much every religion, having it way easier when it comes to having children, and so on.
Only the biggest hipsters or most privileged people would choose to be gay, I think.

 

cinderr

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Triss (06:06am Sun, Nov 18, 2012)
I believe it depends. Philip Zimbardo stated in one of his books that it's possible to be born with a particular sexuality, nurtured into  or simply choose it. I agree with him. I've observed that many straight people who live among bisexuals or homosexuals are getting curious and sometimes start experimenting with their sexuality on their own.
Triss, not to be disagreeable but simple experimentation, what ever your sexual orientation, does not change it. It is what it is and that is merely experimentation. Maybe in the course of the experimentation, you might find you've lived a lie your whole life.
That's a whole other ball game. In my modest opinion, you are what you are born altho you might be pushed in other directions. If your parents think you are a bit too effeminate, they might direct you towards trucks and football even though you'd rather play Barbie and wear tutus. I've seen this in my own family! I know why they do it--hoping to spare him embarrassment and a hard life, maybe hoping to spare themselves embarrassment, as well.
It's sad when a kid who would rather stay in and bake cupcakes is forced outside and ordered to play hoops.Ultimately, he will be the man he wishes to be and will not support his parents lie.

 

HuggsX3

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Sexuality is not a choice. People kill themselves because they are gay and hated. Who would chose to be hated? All they want to be is "normal".

You know what I mean?

 

HuggsX3

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And I said "normal" because they don't feel like they are normal. A lot of gay people, until they find peace with themselves, truly hate the fact that they are gay and try to change all the time. It's sad.

 

cinderr

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My friend said she didn't want to be gay, she wanted to be normal. She felt being gay was wrong. So did her mom who took her to a head shrinker (her words) when she was in high school and told them to "cure her!" Imagine how her self image was at that point---she was not normal, was not good enough. She is now comfortable being gay, being fifty!

 

Lorigh

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Hello everyone.

I have friends and family members who are gay. They never chose to be that way. One of my good friends knew she was different even in elementary school. She had crushes on girls...I had crushes on boys. I loved Duran Duran...she had the hots for Joan Jett.  To watch her get criticized, to defend her against people who did not know her, yet felt they could judge her...I didn't understand that. Still don't.

A boy I actually dated in high school got the crap beat out of him because he was gay. For no other reason. He had broken ribs, his face was black and blue...because he was gay and walking with another man. There was no PDA. They were walking down the street. That is wrong.

 

DaleTroy

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People tend to forget that heterosexuality is also a sexuality. So to get an easy answer to this question, ask yourself this if you're straight: Did YOU choose YOUR sexuality? I know I didn't. I didn't consciously decide "Girls are pretty and smell good and have breasts. I think I'll go with that". I felt drawn to them before I was even emotionally mature enough to make such a choice.

 

Lorigh

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Exactly...I don't think I chose to be heterosexual. I just have always liked boys... :)

 

jjmyles

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I do not think that we choose who we are attracted to. I believe it is a combination of factors that determine what we personally find attractive. However I do believe that our behavior is a choice. If we chose to engage in heterosexuality or Homosexuality or no sex at all it is a choice. We are all responsible for our own behavior.

 

DaleTroy

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jjmyles (05:06am Wed, Aug 28, 2013)
I do not think that we choose who we are attracted to. I believe it is a combination of factors that determine what we personally find attractive. However I do believe that our behavior is a choice. If we chose to engage in heterosexuality or Homosexuality or no sex at all it is a choice. We are all responsible for our own behavior.

Well technically that is true...but few "behaviors" are as strong and primal and ingrained in us as how we engage in our sexuality. I technically CHOOSE to have sex, that is true. But I also feel that having sex is one of my basic human rights. What I am responsible for are things like protection, being willing to deal with any consequences that come from the sex, and so on. That, to me, is where "being responsible for our own behavior" comes into play, not so much whether we even DO it or not.

Not to say you were implying this, since I obviously don't know your views and I'm not going to put words into your mouth, I just know that when a lot of people start saying things like that, it's often people who are anti-gay and present their version of a compromise, which is "Okay fine, so you can't help feeling those feelings. I'll accept that. But you don't HAVE to act on them."

 

Lorigh

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jjmyles (05:06am Wed, Aug 28, 2013)
I do not think that we choose who we are attracted to. I believe it is a combination of factors that determine what we personally find attractive. However I do believe that our behavior is a choice. If we chose to engage in heterosexuality or Homosexuality or no sex at all it is a choice. We are all responsible for our own behavior.

I agree in part with what you've said. There have been several times I was with a great guy, but the
"chemistry" wasn't right. I also teach with a great teacher now, we co-teach very well together, because we have "chemistry", but neither one of us would ever act on it.

However, my sexuality was not a choice, other than my choosing to have sex. When my daughter was young, and I watched her at play...I know that sexuality and gender start extremely young. My daughter loved flowers, and butterflies, and princesses...and now, she likes One Direction because they're "cute". There was a little girl in her class, even that young, 3 or 4, that gravitated towards girls...kissing them, hugging them, patting them... tell me how that is a choice?

 

Bunny

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I think it just comes natural to some people....we only think it's wrong because we're taught that it's wrong.

 

Haffina

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Considering that the thing that sparks an 'attraction' is pheromones, something you have no control over the making of or the sensing of, then no one 'chooses' who they are attracted to, their body does. Which would mean that you are born with a predilection for a certain pheromone type, regardless of the sex of the body that creates it.

 

Bunny

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Why am I only digging guy pheromones? ha ha

 

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