Creative Burrow
BunnyWarren => DebatingBurrow => Topic started by: Ihana on 01:23pm Wed, May 20, 2009
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I wanted to start a debate about love seeming as though all of us on the site have dedicated something of this nature i wanted to debate and see what love means to different people. Is is a beautiful thing or is it simple obsessive and just a way of controlling another person. What is everyones views on this topic.
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I think love is different for every one.
Some people see love as the perfect harmony between two people which will never break, what ever happens.
Others see love as a phase or a short lasting feeling for some one.
I, personally, don't know how to describe what I feel love is. I know I have experienced it, and I know how it feels, but to put it into words is difficult.
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Love is the transcended state of emotion where one places a partnership above their self.
It is the beautiful harmony of collaboration, where two come to operate as one, relishing their similarities and celebrating the strength in their diversities.
Cheers,
~BBM
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I like your explaination BBM :)
But don't you think it can go deeper than that? Deeper than a simple explaination?
(I would say almost scientific explaination, but I know someone who might be annoying concerning that analogy.)
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I read a VERY scary article not long ago where "love" is a chemical reaction in our brain that's supposed to build and peak at two years. There's also another article I read that has phases of love, it says that after the "passion" wears off two people settle into commitment, or leave, depending....
It kinda makes me feel like crap. Damn you science[/i].
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Okay here's a bunch of links from Time on the subject (I LOVE Time!!)
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,977763,00.html
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1704355,00.html
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1704672,00.html
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,977754,00.html
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Love is what you make it.
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:S thats crazy.
I know it can be explained in science terms, but doesn't it take away loads of the magic?
Can't we just appreciate something without knowing what each little bit of our bodies are doing during that experience?
Damn the human race!
Only kidding 8-)
And to an extent I agree Niffah, you can make love what you want to make it, but some how other people will disagree with your view.
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Love is a chemical imbalance. A lot of people use it like a drug, trying desperately to fall in love with anyone and everyone, in order to find their One True Love to get the biggest high. It's worse than cocaine, it's destroyed so many people and lives. Sure, some people can play around with it and not turn into strung-out addicts, laying flat, looking for another fix, but those people were generally strong to begin with. It's a good drug, but not chronic medication.
Love is one of those concepts that would be best excised entirely from the human language in favor of more descriptive terms. One can cry that "Love is love, and should be left alone!" But let's face it, it's impossible to do anything more than talk past one another when the subject is breached. It's a word that means different things to different people, and is an impediment to communication. Especially in love. I know a relationship in which one man told his woman "I love you." with the meaning of romantic passion. She responded with the same, but in the casual, post-peak indifference that marks the time when one is far too tired for that kind of thing.
Love, ultimately, can only be shared by two people who are capable of communicating in the same vein. It's a feeling of fulfillment that can be overwhelming, but shouldn't be. Granted, I'm of the belief that people should try to control themselves, know their limitations, their strengths, and weaknesses, before dedicating themselves fully to anything. The dedication most speak of with love seems a hardly suitable path for someone who has trouble regulating themselves.
Everyone has the ability to love, just as everyone can access various drugs to get themselves high. Whether they should use that drug is an open question. I'm not one to pry into the business of others unless they make it known, but it's quite obvious when someone is in a toxic relationship.
Love isn't the achievement of some harmonic resonance. Just because I can work with my roommates to the fullest extent of our abilities, it doesn't mean that there is love there. It is more of a barely-restrained hate bred from familiarity. There may be a friendly rivalry, a tolerance, but there is surely no love.
Hm. I reckon that's it, really. Love isn't unbreakable. It never can be. To make something unbreakable is to make something that can't exist. Even diamond can be scorched, melted down or shattered.
:S thats crazy.
I know it can be explained in science terms, but doesn't it take away loads of the magic?
Can't we just appreciate something without knowing what each little bit of our bodies are doing during that experience?
Damn the human race!
Nothing good has ever been gained from a mystery other than hours of speculation before the joy of the reveal.
As for magic, I don't see why people prefer it over the wholly astounding and beautiful implications of these discoveries.
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Andre, you're such a spoil sport, honestly *rolls eyes* But I don't believe love is just one thing. It may fulfill one person's existence and destroy another's. It may be innocent or selfish. Shared or unrequited. To me, there is a fine line between love and obsession. Is the only difference between the two whether it is shared or not? Is there a time limit for waiting for a person to love you back before you must completely move on? Love is not a choice. Love is not reasonable. Love follows no rules. There's a chance you can ignore it for a while, or a chance that it may fade, but it won't go away by any choice of yours.
Though I will admit "i'm in love with you" is used way too often for my taste. It's begun to destroy the true, deep meaning of those words. But one must make mistakes to learn and grow, aye?
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Andre ruined the magic... lol
Andre, are you saying that people only think they're in love?
I think love goes deeper than a trick of the mind.
And even though it may be breakable, can't it stay strong if both people love each other equally?
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Aye, though it's true love isn't perfect, it's overcoming the imperfections together that makes the love true. Not getting rid of, not pretending everything's okay, but being able to work through the problems
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+1!
Surely that's gotta mean more to someone than having chemicals running around in your brain, as this can only be one sided in certain cases im sure.
Working through whatever it takes to stay together would mean more to me.
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I think for me love is when you come to love the imperfections of a person. A person I'm with at the moment is someone i thought I'd never chose as I'm not at all happy with the mistakes they've made in the past. However all these imperfections fade away when i' with them because they are apart of them. tbh you can't love someone if you desire to change who they are because if you want to change them from the beginning than you were never in love with them, you were in love with who you wanted them to be.
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I agree. I also just wanted to note that I saw the e-mail in my inbox with the subject "Topic Reply: What is love?" and you'll never guess what song popped into my head... ^_^"
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what song? :S lol
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No idea what the title is or who it's by (and I'm too lazy to look it up) But the lyrics : What is love? Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more Then it has some cool music. It's an older song, but it's catchy ^_^
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lol I have no idea what it's called either
But it sounds like an interesting song ^_^
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it's possibly called what is love. maybe youtube will show you to the light Haddaway - What Is Love (Live At Dance Mach
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Don't make me go into the light!
Damn you youtube!
Yeah that video wont load, I blame my tinterwebs lol
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aw... anyway, you'll have to look it up sometime
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i shall :)
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Yeah, it's Haddaway. I used to play it on air all the time.
Andre, some vocab for you:
LOVE: To care deeply
IN LOVE: To care deeply AND want to be committed to someone/spend life with them/etc, etc, yada yada
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I like the separation there Bunny!
(even though you spelt for wrong 8-))
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she was talking about a black guy so fro can be forgiven (though my brother is growing a nice fro and he's so white he's pink! XD) [no racist insults were meant in the proceeding statements =P]
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I like your explaination BBM :)
But don't you think it can go deeper than that? Deeper than a simple explaination?
(I would say almost scientific explaination, but I know someone who might be annoying concerning that analogy.)
While in truth, Niffah is right with "whatever you make of it", and there are a lot of "what ifs" that can be added in, but when I asked myself this question, this is what I found, and it works on so many levels.
I love my wife. I place our partnership, and fostering it above my individual wants and desires, thus compromise is born, and together we do what alone we could not.
I love my father. Our partnership has overcome many obstacles. We've built things together that we could not build ourselves.
I love my brothers. We share a common bond that keeps us together, but our diversity makes us strong - Jason the Mechanic, Simon the Hacker, Lee the web guy, Kenny the Chemist... We all have our place, and together we are unstoppable.
But love is a two way street. If these relationships had no love in return, it would be parasitic rather than symbiotic.
Anything that talks of a 'chemical imbalance' to me feels like it's referring to lust or infatuation. That's not love. Love is a two way street.
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yeah, the chemical imbalance thing just reminds me of how my psych described what's going on in my brain. and i'm on meds for it XD so i'd rather not eventually be put on meds for love lol
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By the dark gods, this topic exploded. So I'll answer the things directed at me, and see how it goes.
Andre, you're such a spoil sport, honestly *rolls eyes* But I don't believe love is just one thing. It may fulfill one person's existence and destroy another's. It may be innocent or selfish. Shared or unrequited. To me, there is a fine line between love and obsession. Is the only difference between the two whether it is shared or not? Is there a time limit for waiting for a person to love you back before you must completely move on? Love is not a choice. Love is not reasonable. Love follows no rules. There's a chance you can ignore it for a while, or a chance that it may fade, but it won't go away by any choice of yours.
Though I will admit "i'm in love with you" is used way too often for my taste. It's begun to destroy the true, deep meaning of those words. But one must make mistakes to learn and grow, aye?
Oy, If no debate is wanted, it should be posted in the Buddy Bears section. Calling me a spoil-sport because I refuse to indulge in deluding myself is rather rotten, don't you think? Anyway. The line between love and obsession isn't thin. It's wide and plainly visible from miles away. Just because the person engaging in the masturbatory fantasy of unrequited love can't see that it's the size of an airport runway, it doesn't mean that the line isn't there. Love is a choice. Many people can control who they love, if not actively, then by deluding themselves into the madness of it all. It isn't difficult to do it actively. Just use the same lies you tell yourself regularly. As for rules, love follows whatever you impose upon it. To act as if it's wild magic is to lack the willpower or desire to control it. I do know that it can be controlled, however.
Andre ruined the magic... lol
Andre, are you saying that people only think they're in love?
I think love goes deeper than a trick of the mind.
And even though it may be breakable, can't it stay strong if both people love each other equally?
The magic wasn't there in the first place, except in the mind of the viewer. And no, I'm saying that a lot of people delude themselves into feeling love, and that isn't necessarily actual love. It is a trick of the mind. It's all neurotransmitters. Some people are good at tricking themselves, others can recognize what's going on, and accept it, work with it. Still others just follow and act like it's fate, destiny, or God.
As for staying strong, of course it can. It just requires mutual effort, mutual desire, and a whole lot of communication and patience. Also, a willingness to see things as they are, but to strive for things to be better.Without these, everything devolves into the same stupid teenage drama that eats up so much of life like a bad soap opera.*
Andre, some vocab for you:
LOVE: To care deeply
IN LOVE: To care deeply AND want to be committed to someone/spend life with them/etc, etc, yada yada
I'm sure that's enough for you. But considering how many times I've heard the latter used for the former, the former for the latter, and various other colloquialisms thrown into the mix, I dare say that the vocabulary in this instance, while useful in movies, television, books, and bad television (Seinfeld**, for example), it presents an unused and oversimplified view that only holds true if the people in question agree on the terms beforehand. Denotation and connotation are quite different in many cases, hon. This is one of them.
Also, as a note, I hate the term 'deep' when referring to philosophical meaning. I'll probably write something on that later.
Anything that talks of a 'chemical imbalance' to me feels like it's referring to lust or infatuation. That's not love. Love is a two way street.
It feels like it to you, I'm sure. However, just because two people are imbalanced in the same way, it doesn't make it something that isn't an imbalance. I'm sure you can understand this. Two people who believe themselves to be magical fairies that are born to take over the world doesn't mean that they're not both nuts. It just means that they're nuts together.
*Bad is subjective when it comes to soap operas. Personally, I like the Young and the Restless, when I choose to indulge.
**Bad in this case not subjective. Seinfeld is terrible.
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Love is a choice. Many people can control who they love, if not actively, then by deluding themselves into the madness of it all. It isn't difficult to do it actively. Just use the same lies you tell yourself regularly. As for rules, love follows whatever you impose upon it. To act as if it's wild magic is to lack the willpower or desire to control it. I do know that it can be controlled, however.
Love can be controlled by the person sometimes, but are you saying that you cant unwillingly love someone? I know I have at one or two times in my life.
The magic wasn't there in the first place, except in the mind of the viewer. And no, I'm saying that a lot of people delude themselves into feeling love, and that isn't necessarily actual love. It is a trick of the mind. It's all neurotransmitters. Some people are good at tricking themselves, others can recognize what's going on, and accept it, work with it. Still others just follow and act like it's fate, destiny, or God.
As for staying strong, of course it can. It just requires mutual effort, mutual desire, and a whole lot of communication and patience. Also, a willingness to see things as they are, but to strive for things to be better.Without these, everything devolves into the same stupid teenage drama that eats up so much of life like a bad soap opera.*
You're saying that there is no magic to love? Love, I agree, can be purely convenient and be between two people who can make their lives either easier or better by being together and can be happy in doing this, but it can also be a reluctant mixture of feelings towards a person.
I agree that for a relationship to stay strong it needs to have a mutual effort and desire as well as communication and patience. But some relationships can last in that perfect romance and totally in love with each other without any effort at all, are you saying this isn't love? (I know this is rare, but the first thing that came to mind.)
It feels like it to you, I'm sure. However, just because two people are imbalanced in the same way, it doesn't make it something that isn't an imbalance. I'm sure you can understand this. Two people who believe themselves to be magical fairies that are born to take over the world doesn't mean that they're not both nuts. It just means that they're nuts together.
I disagree with this point also. If both people feel that they are in love with each other, then aren't they? The fairies weren't meant to take over the world (not metaphorically) but if these two people believe they love each other and are happy living together, then why aren't they in love?
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Andre: You think it's better to delude yourself out of love than to accept you have feelings for someone?
Andre, if I could smack you, first for liking soaps, and second for the young and the restless, I would 0_0.
Also, on my definitions: I ALWAYS make sure the one I love knows them, so if he ever says he's in love with me he damn well knows what it means. And I clarify too.
@Lunar, me too. I fought it and fought it and tried to convince myesle otherwise, but it was no good.
Actually ANDRE. You just said we could control our chemical imbalances. WHY then, did I suffer depression for the better part of my life thus far? Why did I fight it and smile all fucking day because I knew it released endorphins and would eventually trick my brain into thinking it was happy? Why couldnt I balance THOSE chemicals?!
Also, in reference to "magic" in love we (probably all of us) mean the mysteries behind it. It totally takes the romance and joy away when we discover we're just "inbalanced".
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I'm too lazy to quote, but you all know what I'm talking about
Andre, when I call you a spoil-sport, I do it with the deepest affection =P But seriously, I call people names all the time and rarely mean it. Just like you rip people's ideas apart without meaning to completely insult them (I think?)
And I think "they're nuts together" can be a wonderful way to describe love ^_^ Or, at least my kind of love.
I've had the discussion with someone about being able to change how they feel on command before, but it was nearly completely pointless because we both stuck with our beliefs and weren't moved in the slightest. The comparison I thought (and still think) fit(s) is this:
Imagine you are in Alaska freezing. You have to trudge along in order to find someplace warmer, but the cold is limiting your movement. In order to stop feeling cold, you successfully imagine yourself basking on a beach in Hawaii and no longer feel the cold. However, it does not cease to be cold, nor can you not be harmed by the cold. You will either suddenly realize it's cold again or some extension of your body will get frost bite and fall off. Though imagining yourself warm is a good way to get through the cold times, it does not follow that by imagining yourself cold, you are immune to it and can stay in the cold as long as you want.
Not sure if that entirely made sense for everyone and I'm sure you'll have some intelligent way of telling me being cold has nothing to do with love, but I stick by my analogy.
I agree with Bunny. If you could tell me the secret way to control my depression without medication (which I'm not entirely sure is working) then that would be great.
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Love can be controlled by the person sometimes, but are you saying that you cant unwillingly love someone? I know I have at one or two times in my life.
I'm saying that it's quite possible, but that the 'unwilling' part comes from a lack of willingness to control it, or a lack of awareness of the ability to control it.
You're saying that there is no magic to love? Love, I agree, can be purely convenient and be between two people who can make their lives either easier or better by being together and can be happy in doing this, but it can also be a reluctant mixture of feelings towards a person.
I agree that for a relationship to stay strong it needs to have a mutual effort and desire as well as communication and patience. But some relationships can last in that perfect romance and totally in love with each other without any effort at all, are you saying this isn't love? (I know this is rare, but the first thing that came to mind.)
I've never seen that happen. Relationships don't last more than eight months in that zero-maintenance "happy place." It's a myth. I've been in a few that required no effort. Eight months. That's all you have, before problems creep in. Hardly 'neverending love', eh?
I disagree with this point also. If both people feel that they are in love with each other, then aren't they? The fairies weren't meant to take over the world (not metaphorically) but if these two people believe they love each other and are happy living together, then why aren't they in love?
I never said they weren't in love. I'm just maintaining that love is a maddened delusion, for the most part.
Andre: You think it's better to delude yourself out of love than to accept you have feelings for someone?
Who said I deluded myself out of love? I can pluck a moment out of time, consider it in a flawed manner, and decide if I wish to proceed in a manner known as 'love' or 'hate' or 'indifference.' I just feel that I know better than to leap blindly and madly into 'love' with no regard for the consequences.
Andre, if I could smack you, first for liking soaps, and second for the young and the restless, I would 0_0.
Sorry, hon, but Victor Newman is totally freaking awesome, and hasn't stopped being hardcore since... ever. At least it's not Passions or General Hospital?
Also, on my definitions: I ALWAYS make sure the one I love knows them, so if he ever says he's in love with me he damn well knows what it means. And I clarify too.
Good for you. That's necessary for any relationship.
Actually ANDRE. You just said we could control our chemical imbalances. WHY then, did I suffer depression for the better part of my life thus far? Why did I fight it and smile all fucking day because I knew it released endorphins and would eventually trick my brain into thinking it was happy? Why couldnt I balance THOSE chemicals?!
My dear, why can't I see out of my left eye? Some of us are born with disabilities. That's just the one you're stuck with. Sucks, but so it goes.
Also, in reference to "magic" in love we (probably all of us) mean the mysteries behind it. It totally takes the romance and joy away when we discover we're just "inbalanced".
I can still engage in romance and joy without mystery. In fact, once the mystery is gone, I'm better at it. Not only that, but I can enjoy it more, knowing that I cause a lot of those different effects in the relationship just by being there, and saying the right thing at the right time. I'm no Preem Palver, but damn if I can't do something.
Andre, when I call you a spoil-sport, I do it with the deepest affection =P But seriously, I call people names all the time and rarely mean it. Just like you rip people's ideas apart without meaning to completely insult them (I think?)
And I think "they're nuts together" can be a wonderful way to describe love ^_^ Or, at least my kind of love.
Yeah. I mean no insult. I cuss a lot when I'm actually insulting people. Sorry, hon. Totally forgot you were you for a moment. I'll again make a note not to bristle when being called a name. Sorry. This is the second time in a row this has happened. Third time's the charm, hopefully!
I've had the discussion with someone about being able to change how they feel on command before, but it was nearly completely pointless because we both stuck with our beliefs and weren't moved in the slightest. The comparison I thought (and still think) fit(s) is this:
Imagine you are in Alaska freezing. You have to trudge along in order to find someplace warmer, but the cold is limiting your movement. In order to stop feeling cold, you successfully imagine yourself basking on a beach in Hawaii and no longer feel the cold. However, it does not cease to be cold, nor can you not be harmed by the cold. You will either suddenly realize it's cold again or some extension of your body will get frost bite and fall off. Though imagining yourself warm is a good way to get through the cold times, it does not follow that by imagining yourself cold, you are immune to it and can stay in the cold as long as you want.
Oh, I understand completely on that. However, I seriously doubt there will ever be a time when someone will shout "SURRENDER TO YOUR LOVE OR DIE, VILLAIN!" or something like that. Life isn't a Saturday morning cartoon. Granted, even if I loved that person, once they gave that order, I'm pretty sure I'd immediately hate them anyway.
As for controlling emotions, this isn't to say that I have the ability to all the time. Just most of the time. For the most part, I just try to temper my reactions to things. To be cautious, double-check, and generally try to keep myself from flying into whatever emotion grabs me in the moment. To do so isn't to say that I don't feel, or that I don't enjoy feeling. Quite the contrary, really. I revel in my feelings. Joy and fury are the most fun to revel in. However, I somehow doubt that there would be someone in this topic advocating flying into a rage whenever one feels it bubbling up out of the back of their head.
Not sure if that entirely made sense for everyone and I'm sure you'll have some intelligent way of telling me being cold has nothing to do with love, but I stick by my analogy.
I agree with Bunny. If you could tell me the secret way to control my depression without medication (which I'm not entirely sure is working) then that would be great.
Depression is the hardest thing to get out of. I've never had issues with it, and I'm no doctor, so I can't tell you much. What works for me is going out and doing things, and doing my best to feel awesome. I know people so far gone to inertia that they refuse to do anything, because "nothing will matter."
That bothers me, but there's nothing I can do about it. I feel for you, but to be honest, I only know what works for me. I can't advocate that everyone have the same control that I do, no more than you can advocate that I should go get Lasik surgery, despite my eyes being so sensitive to light that my astigmatism gets worse when exposed to brighter light. There's going to be fear there.
Disabilities suck, until you find your way around 'em. Some are harder than others. To be quite honest, though, I'm having a blast, being mostly blind.
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Andre, you booger-face! [just testing (and yes, I did just say booger-face)] I have no idea if the proceeding..statement? was anywhere close to grammatically sane XD
I think I go crazy with emotion because I go through kind of "numb" states. Not completely totally numb, but enough to where it gets annoying to those around me. Example: "I'm getting married!" me: "woo" At which point I'd be stabbed until I smiled. Also because I have a hard time figuring out when it's appropriate to say or do things. Thus, when I finally decide to say/do something, I do it with enthusiasm. One of my exes swears he'd be successful if he kept all of the notes I wrote him and wrote a book about it. Or that it might be necessary for a future judge XD Point being (if a point even exists in this rambling) I guess my kind of love is one in which I don't have to restrain myself. I can go crazy and they'll just pat me on my head and give me a cookie lol Whenever they want to be alone, all they'd have to do is lock me in a basement with my laptop and ramen XD
But now I'm completely off subject. Actually, I think I was from the beginning. Anyway, sometimes I will truly envy those like you for your self control on love, at the same time I find it to be horrid and feel sorry for you.
Just to be stupid, I have to ask: Have you ever used your partial blindness as an excuse to accidentally feel up a chick? Cuz I would. 'til I got arrested. Just so you know
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Samgam, you're a wonderful three-dented plastic wafer.
Understandable. Some people like to just bounce around and do things until they're caught. I'd rather not get caught in the first place, It's easy enough. To be honest, the "Oh, just lock me in the basement with a laptop and ramen" types always bothered me, since for the most part, they're the ones that always seem to take it personally when I want some space. I'm no loner, but I do value being left alone a lot of the time. Nothing personal, I just can't stand people. Especially other men.
Don't feel sorry for me. Really, don't. I enjoy my life. If you must feel sorry for someone, feel sorry for my father. Who is apparently "In love" with a woman who apparently never grew out of her teens, despite being older than me. Feel sorry for a man who raised two kids on his own, yet now that he has a wife and they both work, he's got more serious money issues than ever before. That is a man you should feel sorry for. Not me.
I did it once. It was actually entirely on accident. I was at a pool party, at my friend John's place. I had gone under, and this girl had just arrived, said 'hi!' and jumped in the pool. I could hear someone landing on the other side of the pool, so I thought it was John. I swim up from behind, grab, and, well, oops.
The most hilarious part was when my pal John yelled out: "DON'T HIT HIM, HE'S BLIND!" She didn't hit me, and blew it off, but she did have nice breasts.
I'm generally too classy to do something like that deliberately.
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Aw, that's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all week! (except for that one thing, that was cool, too)
I need my space. Yeah, I get lonely and such when some people aren't around a lot of the time, but sometimes you have to do the whole "aw, I miiiiissssedededed you!" thing in order to stay sane. But there are just times I hate talking to people. Sadly, I've been like that most of this week and everyone wants to talk to me because I'm graduating. I think my brain does it on purpose
Yes, I suppose there are a lot more people crazily in love who should be pitied than those who keep their self control. It just randomly reminds me of this short story in this book by this author. I have yet to name it because I occasionally feel shame for relating extremely fictional things to real life more than anything else :P But my spontaneous nature with emotions is just part of who I am. True, it's not a part many people can handle, but it's still a part.
And that pool thing's hilarious XD I think I'd constantly do that to my friends, just for fun. Actually, I think I would constantly do stuff like that on accident. I do not learn from such things very quickly lol
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I did go through a phase where I'd grope ex-girlfriends, smile, and be like "Force of habit." But I stopped it once it became expected of me, just because "Oh, that's just Andre. He grabs girls' asses." seems like a BAD THING to be known as.
I relate extremely fictional things to real life all the time, so feel free to do so yourself. I've done it at least once in this topic. Preem Palver is a fictional character from Isaac Asimov's Foundation series. I do this stuff all the time.
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Actually ANDRE. You just said we could control our chemical imbalances. WHY then, did I suffer depression for the better part of my life thus far? Why did I fight it and smile all fucking day because I knew it released endorphins and would eventually trick my brain into thinking it was happy? Why couldnt I balance THOSE chemicals?!
My dear, why can't I see out of my left eye? Some of us are born with disabilities. That's just the one you're stuck with. Sucks, but so it goes.
Oh, ouch.
Actually, depression was very inspirational to my writing.. so I'm okay if it is a disability
Also, in reference to "magic" in love we (probably all of us) mean the mysteries behind it. It totally takes the romance and joy away when we discover we're just "inbalanced".
I can still engage in romance and joy without mystery. In fact, once the mystery is gone, I'm better at it. Not only that, but I can enjoy it more, knowing that I cause a lot of those different effects in the relationship just by being there, and saying the right thing at the right time. I'm no Preem Palver, but damn if I can't do something.
Wow you make it sound like a game or skill. I can see it 100 years from now: "Yo, dude, what's your love skill score?"
"Thirty SEVEN"
"WTF, Yo? You got hax?"
"Naw maan! I just got extreem lovin skillz"
"Fuck off, yo!"
Etc. You know the world will sound like that in 100 years time.
Oh, I understand completely on that. However, I seriously doubt there will ever be a time when someone will shout "SURRENDER TO YOUR LOVE OR DIE, VILLAIN!" or something like that. Life isn't a Saturday morning cartoon. Granted, even if I loved that person, once they gave that order, I'm pretty sure I'd immediately hate them anyway.
LMFAO I'm SO tempted to enter a chat with you saying that now !LMAO!.
As for controlling emotions, this isn't to say that I have the ability to all the time. Just most of the time. For the most part, I just try to temper my reactions to things. To be cautious, double-check, and generally try to keep myself from flying into whatever emotion grabs me in the moment. To do so isn't to say that I don't feel, or that I don't enjoy feeling. Quite the contrary, really. I revel in my feelings. Joy and fury are the most fun to revel in. However, I somehow doubt that there would be someone in this topic advocating flying into a rage whenever one feels it bubbling up out of the back of their head.
WAIT!!!!! YOU JUST SAID THAT LOVE WAS A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE!!!!!! How can it be an emotion AND a chemical imbalance, unless ALL emotions are?! That makes EVERYONE fucked up. Why is it an IMBALANCE? It's balanced JUST the right way to cause the specified emotion, and there's no side effects.
Depression is the hardest thing to get out of. I've never had issues with it, and I'm no doctor, so I can't tell you much. What works for me is going out and doing things, and doing my best to feel awesome. I know people so far gone to inertia that they refuse to do anything, because "nothing will matter."
That bothers me, but there's nothing I can do about it. I feel for you, but to be honest, I only know what works for me. I can't advocate that everyone have the same control that I do, no more than you can advocate that I should go get Lasik surgery, despite my eyes being so sensitive to light that my astigmatism gets worse when exposed to brighter light. There's going to be fear there.
Disabilities suck, until you find your way around 'em. Some are harder than others. To be quite honest, though, I'm having a blast, being mostly blind.
Well. I saw dead people. Not kidding. Bloody dead bodies all over my room, but they were only there a split second and I'd be surprised they werent there when they were gone. I'd open the door, the slit second glance would have them, then the next second they'd be gone and I'd be reeling back in surprise.
I was out every day and night. I did all the stuff that made me happy. Nothing worked, though writing brought me to my safe place. I wasnt happy or sad when I wrote - merely free.
my kind of love is one in which I don't have to restrain myself. I can go crazy and they'll just pat me on my head and give me a cookie
Love should set you free and make you feel complete ;).
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God, I hope we're not still using "yo" in a hundred years
And I used to be known as the girl who randomly grabbed guys breasts. Probably because none of the girls would let me do it. But, for some of my guy friends, that was the most action they've ever gotten or will get for a while, so they were fine with it =P
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WAIT!!!!! YOU JUST SAID THAT LOVE WAS A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE!!!!!! How can it be an emotion AND a chemical imbalance, unless ALL emotions are?! That makes EVERYONE fucked up. Why is it an IMBALANCE? It's balanced JUST the right way to cause the specified emotion, and there's no side effects.
Yes. All of them are chemical imbalances. And there are side effects. Anger often leads to fatigue or even illness. Lots of bad shit happens as a result of these. Good things sometime, too. I'd elaborate more, but I've only got a limited time to catch up here. I'm waiting on my sister to get out of the facilities, then we're gonna have to run.
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Somehow I enjoy the idea that everyone's fucked up. Of course, I think everyone is in their own little way, anyway (that's what your parents and teachers mean by "special"), but the idea's oddly comforting. And I really can find few things more fucked up than love.
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Wow.... so having depersonalisation disorder might actually be normal? When you can't feel anything. I mean if every emotion is an imbalance, then the only way to stay balanced is to not have any....
:(
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But who wants to be normal now a days, eh? Seriously, everything I've loved and half the things I thought and been called names over since I was a kid is becoming popular! Of course, the ladies have always liked the rebels... -_^
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Nah, having something where you can't have emotions could be beneficial, but hardly normal. Imbalances left and right are the median of the world. It's hard to function in society without emotions, for the most part. People can pick up on it, and it really doesn't work.
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Kind of like the show Dexter? 'Cept it's more than him just lacking normal emotions.
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Nah, having something where you can't have emotions could be beneficial, but hardly normal. Imbalances left and right are the median of the world. It's hard to function in society without emotions, for the most part. People can pick up on it, and it really doesn't work.
I don't find it beneficial. I feel dead :(.
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Yeah. Hence the 'could be'.
Sucks, though. I have days like that, but not extended periods of time.
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Put it this way, it doesnt help with decisions because you don't feel, therefore you couldnt care less one way or the other.
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Yeah. That sounds like my sister, though it's not the same so much with her. She can get angry, or bothered, but not over inconsequential bullshit. Sorta like me, but I'm good at faking it.
You don't need emotions to rush past indecision. You just need to have practice.
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hmmm...
i think its when you've felt like you've known someone forever, even if you have known them a few weeks or days even, and when you get those butterflies. they feel very funny XD. but i can't say i believe in it tbh. x
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@___@ Ok, i just read the entire thread in one go. Wow...
I'm surprised no one brought up evolutionary perspective to this debate.
The theory goes that love is something that we have developed over time in order to keep the human race alive. People fall in love, they have sex, they make babies and thus a new generation is made. To ensure that people will keep making babies we conditioned ourselves to release endorphins to people we like and ever more so for sensual and sexual activities.
Now, i'm not saying i believe this. I'm just providing another way to look at it.
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That's interesting!
And I can see that too..
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I think love is a beautiful thing, I really feel it's the only emotion that truely brings out a person
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What about hate, Ellie? I've found that watching people hate is just as instructive as watching people love. Hate brings out the truer bits of a person. The things they don't like others to see. How can you say that -it- doesn't truly bring out a person.
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I have to agree with Andre on this.
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I agree with both of you!!, as I responded I thought about hate as well but, what I meant by saying that love is the only emotion that truly brings out a person, I meant it in a good way.
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What about hate, Ellie? I've found that watching people hate is just as instructive as watching people love. Hate brings out the truer bits of a person. The things they don't like others to see. How can you say that -it- doesn't truly bring out a person.
Yeah I was thinking that. There's heaps of things which let you see another side of someone.
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Yes hate brings out a person too, but I agree with Ellie in the sense that love is the only emotion that brings out a person in the best most natural way. (if that makes sense)
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It does, it's not an emotion to force someone out.
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It does, it's not an emotion to force someone out.
Exactly!!!!
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Wait, so love is more natural than hate?
What the hell are you people talking about?
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Wait, so love is more natural than hate?
What the hell are you people talking about?
Bringing someone's characteristics out with love is more natural - you let them ease into themselves. Bringing them out with anger and hate is forceful - they're forced to get mad/explode/what ever.
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That doesn't make sense. Sometimes anger boils up to the surface on its own, especially when there have been issues regarding something in the past.
It can't even be argued that anger requires action from someone else, either. Most people's own failings and frustrations which they bring upon themselves lead to anger. How is that less true than your love, which still requires someone else bee in the area, and often requires that things be viewed through rose coloured lenses?
And it's not hard to provoke love, either. At least, what many people would identify as love. That real "connection", that "spark" can be generated by any proper, smooth operator.
This is assuming you don't adhere to the "It's completely not-understandable magic!" school of thought on love, of course. Of which, I'd have to say, please, continue tossing your word salad.
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I see your point. When I get angry I always feel like I'm being forced to open up. I cant really explain it.
I guess because I'm actively giving myself out, where as if I were in love, over a period of time I'd open up without realising it - which is where I was coming from.
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I see your point. When I get angry I always feel like I'm being forced to open up. I cant really explain it.
I guess because I'm actively giving myself out, where as if I were in love, over a period of time I'd open up without realising it - which is where I was coming from.
Makes sense
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Hate is more natural for me, honestly. Love has always been weird for me to express.
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Hate is more natural for me, honestly. Love has always been weird for me to express.
I'm the opposite, love comes natural for me to express. Hate on the other hand I have a hard time expressing, unless I'm pissed off
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I think it's because my parents weren't the most.... loving of couples. I grew up with no example of expressing love and later became very sarcastic, making me able to express my hate just fine, though the object of my hate doesn't always get it lol XD
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I read a VERY scary article not long ago where "love" is a chemical reaction in our brain that's supposed to build and peak at two years. There's also another article I read that has phases of love, it says that after the "passion" wears off two people settle into commitment, or leave, depending....
It kinda makes me feel like crap. Damn you science[/i].
Honestly, even if that's the case, the experience of love enriches my life.
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I'd have to agree :D
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In my opinion love is an amazing feeling. It's so complex that it's unbelievably hard to describe it. Many famous writers tried to write about it but every one of them dercribed it differently. I wonder if there's any global definition of love.
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... I wonder if there's any global definition of love.
"The illusion produced when certain hormonal levels exceed their norms, said illusion aided by false expectations, social conditioning and uncontrolled emotions".
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Although I haven't found the right girl for me, I think that love is something that should come easy and only be accompanied with hard work when needed. Love shouldn't be filled with fear only happiness and compassion.
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Medicine is chemistry and biology. Life is chemistry and biology. I guess love is all chemistry and biology too. It is a rather cynical POV, I will admit.
Brain, pleasure receptors, all that stuff.
So much for all those handsome prince and beautiful princess, Harlequin Romance stories.
Ryder13
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... So much for all those handsome prince and beautiful princess, Harlequin Romance stories.
"Kelsey Quimm wasn't going to let anyone run her out of town, not even the sexy new sheriff, Willie Long. Willie seemed more interested in Kelsey than his job, but was desire making her blind to his true motives - the total corruption of Cub Scout Pack #42 (Dingleberry, NV)?"
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In my opinion, love is when you know a person inside out and are well aware of their flaws, but they are still perfect in your opinion. That's why I don't believe in love at first sight - it takes a bit of time to get to know these things. I believe in an initial attraction or "spark" but in my eyes that's chemistry and/or infatuation, rather than "love".
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That depends on whether you're asking someone who is IN love, or who is no longer in love. When you are in love, you feel as though you can accomplish anything. Everything is suffused with beauty. He (or she) can do no wrong. At least for a while. If you are lucky, the initial rush of love is left simmering throughout a relationship.
But when it ends...a knife swift and sure into your soul. Your heart literally breaks. Pain in the chest.
But good fodder for poetry.
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The main thing that I believe about this particular topic is that no two people can possibly experience "love" in the same way as each other. For me, some of the main things that "love" is are listed below:
- A feeling of being safe with a particular person
- You would do anything for that person
- You want to be with that person forever
- You wish to keep that person safe
There are many different types of love, and I would never judge anybody who experiences it in a different way than I do. It's so complicated, and nobody has ever been able to define what the feeling actually is. The love that you feel for a parent might not be the same as the love that you feel for a partner, for example, and I also believe that you can "love" your friends, but there obviously wouldn't be any kind of physical attraction with this type of love.
Some love is unconditional, like the love that a parent has for their child, and some love has to be earned. I feel that this factor can have an impact on what that type of love feels like.
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I do think everyone experiences love differently. Men and women definitely experience love differently.