Creative Burrow

CreativeWritingBurrow => Poetry => Topic started by: Bunny on 08:39am Tue, Jan 3, 2012

Title: When You Die
Post by: Bunny on 08:39am Tue, Jan 3, 2012
When You Die
Dedicated Silently

What about when you die?
No one really knew you.
No one saw your heart.
You never gave anyone a chance to.

What about when you die?
If no one knew the real you.
Then no one truly loved you for you.
No one understands your point of view.

What about when you die?
Where do you leave your mark?
How can it have any value?
If no one truly knows you.

What about when you die?
No one loves you more than I do.
No one loves being by your side more.
But I can't help feeling I don't know you.


Copyright 2012 (C) Jade Elizabeth


WRITTEN: January 3rd 2012.
REVISION: Not a revision.
UP FOR REVISION: No.
INSPIRATION: How I am feeling :(.
RELEVANCE: Yes.
Title: Re: When You Die
Post by: Kimberley on 01:45am Thu, Jan 5, 2012
It's good...but I would consider redoing the second stanza and killing the rhyming because it's killing your message.
Title: Re: When You Die
Post by: Bunny on 07:45am Thu, Jan 5, 2012
LOL So blunt. Thanks though, I must say after re-reading today I have to agree. I rhymed by accident then felt stupid for not following it.

I'll go over it some time soon :).