Fuzzy Teenage Bunny
557 PostsKarma: +0/-0
12:32am Thu, Feb 2, 2012
Read back through my post explaining why I dropped out of college and realized it was all bullshit. lol I just don't really like explaining why I did so, and at the time I convinced myself the "reasonable" excuses I was spewing at people were the actual reasons, but that's not really the case.
Going to college in another state was the first time I was away from any sort of support network, and it takes me a while to build up another one. Thus, I had frequent panic attacks, and had days where I would only leave the room to use the restroom and maybe eat and shower. When I would go out in public, I felt like I was about to break down and start screaming. I can't think of any legitimate reason for the panic attacks besides just suffering from depression and anxiety, since I had a few friends, was seeing a therapist on campus, and wasn't doing too horribly in my classes. I think maybe just all the new social situations I had to deal with were freaking me out. Example: I started going to a martial arts club, but stopped because I got sick and couldn't get myself to go back. The supervisor of the club was also a supervisor of the English Enthusiasts club I regularly went to, and he was always asking when I'd be back to the martial arts club, which instead of me just going back or deciding I didn't want to do that anymore, it sent me into a spiral of guilt and an unwillingness to see him at all.
I ended up deciding that "college wasn't right for me," as the "reasonable" excuse to avoid dealing with everything (though this was entirely subconscious). No matter what, I just couldn't stay at that school. By the time I decided I would drop out, I had already skipped a week or two of class and activities because I couldn't get myself out of my room. I don't think I ever told my parents that. I only told a few people who I was sure would at least kind of understand. The months after dropping out were awkward because of family members I rarely talk to, and ones who invested money in my college education, were calling and asking why I dropped out, and I could only throw the lame "I'm not fit for college" thing at them, and they danced around calling me an idiot.
Luckily, I realized that excuse was just a stupid excuse after a semester of not going to college, and started going to a community college, which I am still attending. I'm taking it slow, and still occasionally feeling like a failure for not only dropping out, but also not having as many credits as the class who graduated a year after me do. I graduated in 2009 and, after this semester, will only have 37 credits. Next semester I'm going to a university and living off campus with two of my friends (if things work out as we're currently planning). I'm glad I'm going back to college because I really don't have the people skills to move up in any sort of career without an education, and hopefully all this necessary interaction (and the kissing ass I will have to do to get into a grad school) will help me gain the skill at social interaction I've always lacked.
I guess we'll see.
Just thought I'd give an update to explain exactly why I left Tiffin, since the reason I gave last time really was rather pathetic. lol