I didn't know that what you said to me as a child would be a seed of self hate
You were supposed to be my protector, as I was innocent & my mentality was fragile
The constant put downs,the withholding affection & attention, were seeds as well
My soul,heart, and mind were ripe and open for cultivation of good, but were tarnished with negativity day in and day out.

I am a product of your emotional neglect and abandonment
You pitted my siblings against me,spewing lies because I left to embark on my own
I'm still dealing with this demon, because that's how deep the roots go. People will tell me to move on, let it go.

I so desperately want to because it  has caused me nothing but pain, humiliation, alienation, and has affected every type of relationships I've had. I never wanted to be this way, the little girl inside me begging & pleading for someone to love and accept just as I am.
My mind is literally feeling like a large weight or some type of pressure is being applied to it from all angles.

The roots have grown thick from all the  imposed harm your terrorizing has done. Your existence has been the bane to mine. I’m constantly trying to hack away the stronghold you have over me, my life,my mind, and soul only seems to produce bad fruit.

I’ve experienced a range of emotions , but the one the trumps them all is self hate. I hate that I look like you,act like you, even sound like you. I can’t look at myself in the mirror & see who I am. You were suppose to be my friend,my mentor,my mother!!!!  instead you have been the  thorn on my side, the black shadow overbearing my existence, the origin of these bad seeds.

I have no feelings towards you, just indifference. That’s what makes me sad.
I’m tired of this, running away from you was never enough. Someway,somehow you will manipulate,con, & lie  your way into my life. You will continue this campaign to slander my character and reputation. Why, because you feel entitled to do so. All I get is bad fruit….

I can identify with this, but reading it makes me sad. I hope you don't still feel this way if you are the victim here. You have got to know that you are just so much more than what others make of you. Rarely do others appreciate us for what we are and what we can become. Each one of us is a gift to others and until we recognize it, others won't.