Love can be controlled by the person sometimes, but are you saying that you cant unwillingly love someone? I know I have at one or two times in my life.
I'm saying that it's quite possible, but that the 'unwilling' part comes from a lack of willingness to control it, or a lack of awareness of the ability to control it.
You're saying that there is no magic to love? Love, I agree, can be purely convenient and be between two people who can make their lives either easier or better by being together and can be happy in doing this, but it can also be a reluctant mixture of feelings towards a person.
I agree that for a relationship to stay strong it needs to have a mutual effort and desire as well as communication and patience. But some relationships can last in that perfect romance and totally in love with each other without any effort at all, are you saying this isn't love? (I know this is rare, but the first thing that came to mind.)
I've never seen that happen. Relationships don't last more than eight months in that zero-maintenance "happy place." It's a myth. I've been in a few that required no effort. Eight months. That's all you have, before problems creep in. Hardly 'neverending love', eh?
I disagree with this point also. If both people feel that they are in love with each other, then aren't they? The fairies weren't meant to take over the world (not metaphorically) but if these two people believe they love each other and are happy living together, then why aren't they in love?
I never said they weren't in love. I'm just maintaining that love is a maddened delusion, for the most part.
Andre: You think it's better to delude yourself out of love than to accept you have feelings for someone?
Who said I deluded myself out of love? I can pluck a moment out of time, consider it in a flawed manner, and decide if I wish to proceed in a manner known as 'love' or 'hate' or 'indifference.' I just feel that I know better than to leap blindly and madly into 'love' with no regard for the consequences.
Andre, if I could smack you, first for liking soaps, and second for the young and the restless, I would .
Sorry, hon, but Victor Newman is totally freaking awesome, and hasn't stopped being hardcore since... ever. At least it's not
Passions or
General Hospital?
Also, on my definitions: I ALWAYS make sure the one I love knows them, so if he ever says he's in love with me he damn well knows what it means. And I clarify too.
Good for you. That's necessary for any relationship.
Actually ANDRE. You just said we could control our chemical imbalances. WHY then, did I suffer depression for the better part of my life thus far? Why did I fight it and smile all fucking day because I knew it released endorphins and would eventually trick my brain into thinking it was happy? Why couldnt I balance THOSE chemicals?!
My dear, why can't I see out of my left eye? Some of us are born with disabilities. That's just the one you're stuck with. Sucks, but so it goes.
Also, in reference to "magic" in love we (probably all of us) mean the mysteries behind it. It totally takes the romance and joy away when we discover we're just "inbalanced".
I can still engage in romance and joy without mystery. In fact, once the mystery is gone, I'm
better at it. Not only that, but I can enjoy it more, knowing that I cause a lot of those different effects in the relationship just by being there, and saying the right thing at the right time. I'm no Preem Palver, but damn if I can't do
something.
Andre, when I call you a spoil-sport, I do it with the deepest affection But seriously, I call people names all the time and rarely mean it. Just like you rip people's ideas apart without meaning to completely insult them (I think?)
And I think "they're nuts together" can be a wonderful way to describe love Or, at least my kind of love.
Yeah. I mean no insult. I cuss a lot when I'm actually insulting people. Sorry, hon. Totally forgot you were you for a moment. I'll again make a note not to bristle when being called a name. Sorry. This is the second time in a row this has happened. Third time's the charm, hopefully!
I've had the discussion with someone about being able to change how they feel on command before, but it was nearly completely pointless because we both stuck with our beliefs and weren't moved in the slightest. The comparison I thought (and still think) fit(s) is this:
Imagine you are in Alaska freezing. You have to trudge along in order to find someplace warmer, but the cold is limiting your movement. In order to stop feeling cold, you successfully imagine yourself basking on a beach in Hawaii and no longer feel the cold. However, it does not cease to be cold, nor can you not be harmed by the cold. You will either suddenly realize it's cold again or some extension of your body will get frost bite and fall off. Though imagining yourself warm is a good way to get through the cold times, it does not follow that by imagining yourself cold, you are immune to it and can stay in the cold as long as you want.
Oh, I understand completely on that. However, I seriously doubt there will ever be a time when someone will shout "SURRENDER TO YOUR LOVE OR DIE, VILLAIN!" or something like that. Life isn't a Saturday morning cartoon. Granted, even if I loved that person, once they gave that order, I'm pretty sure I'd immediately hate them anyway.
As for controlling emotions, this isn't to say that I have the ability to all the time. Just most of the time. For the most part, I just try to temper my reactions to things. To be cautious, double-check, and generally try to keep myself from flying into whatever emotion grabs me in the moment. To do so isn't to say that I don't feel, or that I don't enjoy feeling. Quite the contrary, really. I revel in my feelings. Joy and fury are the most fun to revel in. However, I somehow doubt that there would be someone in this topic advocating flying into a rage whenever one feels it bubbling up out of the back of their head.
Not sure if that entirely made sense for everyone and I'm sure you'll have some intelligent way of telling me being cold has nothing to do with love, but I stick by my analogy.
I agree with Bunny. If you could tell me the secret way to control my depression without medication (which I'm not entirely sure is working) then that would be great.
Depression is the hardest thing to get out of. I've never had issues with it, and I'm no doctor, so I can't tell you much. What works for me is going out and doing things, and doing my best to feel awesome. I know people so far gone to inertia that they refuse to do anything, because "nothing will matter."
That bothers me, but there's nothing I can do about it. I feel for you, but to be honest, I only know what works for me. I can't advocate that everyone have the same control that I do, no more than you can advocate that I should go get Lasik surgery, despite my eyes being so sensitive to light that my astigmatism gets worse when exposed to brighter light. There's going to be fear there.
Disabilities suck, until you find your way around 'em. Some are harder than others. To be quite honest, though, I'm having a blast, being mostly blind.